Harry Potter and the Experiment
by Frank N. Berry
Summary: Harry and Ron do what all boarding school kids do.


It was the night of the Big Magic Festival at Hogwarts.  
That might sound pretty cool to you and me but remember, this is Hogwarts. They do magic all day. It'd be like if your school had a Big Math Festival.  
Oh man, my school actually did have a Big Math Festival. Me and this other dude were all like, "More like the Big Gay Festival." But this story is about actual gayness, so lets get back to it.  
Anyway, so the Big Magic Festival was going on and Harry totally didn't want to go. He was in the dorm and was all like: "Hey Neville."  
And Neville was all like: "Yeah."  
"Are you going to the Big Magic Festival?"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh really?"  
"Yeah why?"  
"No, nothing. I just don't want to go."  
"You have to, you volunteered to help at the Big Magic Booth."  
Harry had to get a bunch of Magic Community Service hours and he had thought this would be an easy way to get some. In fact, it was easy. I don't know what Harry's bitching about. Maybe he's got a headache.  
So then Neville took off and Harry was all alone. Oh he's been naked this whole time. I forgot to mention that. Neville wasn't naked, he was ready to go on. So then Harry said: "Time to get dressed and go to the Big Gay Festival!" (I based that on real life experience)  
So Harry went over to the drawer or trunk or whatever and when he opened it he found a note.  
"A note!" Harry said. Way to state the obvious Harry. Remember this guy's alone.  
So Harry opened the note and there was nothing on it. Now if it was you or me we'd say, "I guess it wasn't a note after all." But Harry's a wizard, and a pretty good one. He knew this was the 'disappearing word spell' so he took out his wand and waved it around and said: "Wordus Undissapearius!"  
And they did.  
The note was from Ron and said: "Harry, meet me in the boy's bathroom 8. Come alone. DON'T TELL HERMOINE. -Ron. P.S: Now that I think about it, you can bring Neville if you want."  
Harry looked at the magic clock (Hogwarts) on the wall and said: "Its almost 8 now!"  
It was only like 7:30, but Harry takes a long time to get his robes on so he needs that extra time.  
So Harry put on his crimson robes and set off for the boy's bathroom. 

When Harry got to the bathrooms he found it was all dark, so he pulled out his wand and said: "Lummus..Lumnis…luminusss…" Apparently one of those was right because the lights came on. Don't know why he didn't use a switch. Some sort of wizard thing probably.Anyway, Harry saw that Ron wasn't in the bathroom.  
Harry stomped his feet and was all like: "Oh muffins!" Then he felt bad about swearing and realized that Ron had probably been killed by Voldemort. Harry had just started to cry when he heard Ron's voice come from one of the stalls: "Harry?"  
Harry was extremely happy that Ron wasn't dead and said so. Ron said: "Harry, Hermoine isn't with you is she?"  
"No."  
"What about Neville?"  
"No it's just me."  
"Oh... well I guess we can still do it."  
"Do what Ron?"  
The door to the stall creaked open and Harry gasped at what he saw.  
Ron had not been killed, but someone had obviously stolen his clothes.  
Harry pulled out his wand, or maybe he still had it out, and waved it and said: "Clothesimuss!"  
That's a spell that puts clothes back on your naked friend, or just naked people in general. It could still work if it was your naked enemy. It's a good spell.  
"Dammit Harry!"  
"Ron…" Harry gasped. He realized he had forgotten what he was going to say. Then he remembered: "Who took your clothes?"  
"No one!" Ron said as he stripped them off again. "Ron you shouldn't do that! You obviously find it very cold in here!"  
Ron's thing might be tiny, or maybe Harry's got a massive one and he's just using it as a reference, whatever the case I'd be pretty embarrassed if Harry said that to me.  
Fortunately, I don't think he ever will.  
But I think Ron handled himself pretty well cause he sauntered across the room and bitch slapped Harry cross the face. Ron said to Harry: "You don't talk unless I tell you to."  
Harry's eyes filled with tears (man Harry's a real bitch) and he said: "Ron!" only in a really whiny voice so it was more like: "RRROOOONNN!"  
Ron slapped Harry again.  
Harry kept on crying but now he felt a stirring under his robes.  
Ron took out his wand and waved it around and said: "Clothesimuss offus."  
If I remember correctly, Ron's got a really screwed up wand, so the spell probably didn't work.  
Probably put more clothes on Harry then to begin with.  
Ron really needs to get that thing fixed.  
Anyway he just had to strip Harry the old fashioned way.  
(Don't worry, Harry was into it at this point so he probably won't have any of that Post-Rape Trauma.)

So while things in the bathroom were going really gay, things at the Big Magic Festival were going really ghey!  
Malfoy was manning the Big Magic Booth and that guy's people skills suck.  
They weren't selling a single Big Magic Pie.  
But Malfoy had a right to be in a bitchy mood on account of he already had all his magic community service hours and he didn't have to be working the stupid booth.  
I mean he probably had better things to do. Actually he probably didn't. He was probably just going to go back to the dorm and masturbate.  
Still he couldn't do that until Harry showed up and took over the booth for him.  
So Malfoy got one of his buddies to take over for him and went off to find Harry.  
Meanwhile in the bathroom, Ron and Harry were engaging in what they would later refer to in hushed voices as: "hot ooey-gooey gay boy sex."  
There was mutual masturbation, fellatio, sodomy… probably some fistin'.  
I don't know, I wasn't there.  
But Malfoy was.  
And he liked what he saw.


End file.
